Beef Vindaloo

Barely a week after American President blamed India’s middle class for eating too much and causing a global rise in food prices, Bush has now said that the cyclone in Burma could further affect food prices. Bush said that since the United States would be forced to help deliver aid and food rations to the cyclone hit areas, it would result in a shortage in food for domestic consumers leading to further price rises. This, coupled with the fact that most Americans are losing their houses on an unprecedented fast rate, Bush believes that there is no way that Senator John McCain could lose the upcoming elections.

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Down and out US Presidential nominee Senator Hillary Clinton received an endorsement from what she would consider the unlikeliest source, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. The former White House intern said in a press interview yesterday that she believes that Hillary Clinton would be her “most favouritest” choice to be US President because. Lewinsky said that she knows the family at a very personal level and she believes that Hillary has the same principles and foresight that made her Bill Clinton one of the most adored US Presidents in the world.

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The people of the United States of America have rallied behind presidential candidate Senator Hillary Clinton on the topic of her decision to “wipe out” Iran. In an unprecedented move, the usually divided country came together to denounce the Iranian President’s comments and said that Iran should follow the US’s example when it comes to human rights. All the people polled said that Iran should imitate the US and brutally slay Iraqis, indiscriminately destroy towns and keep POWs in Cuba without trial instead of stoning women, demonstrating outside the US embassy and recruiting suicide bombers.

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The United States of America has unearthed fresh circumstantial evidence that would irrevocably suggest that Saddam Hussein might have probably hidden all his weapons of mass destruction in either Iran or maybe even Syria. The US government spokesperson said that their theory of an illegal nuclear base in Syria that is supposedly aided by North Korea proves that in the last days of the last Iraq war, Saddam Hussein personally transported all the WMDs into Iran. The decision to invade North Korea, Iran or Syria will be debated in next week’s show of MTV’s Total Request Live.

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In a shocking revelation, it has become known that it is the Ministry of Human Resources Development of India that might actually be responsible for the recent reshuffling of Indian Olympics torch runners. In a sudden announcement earlier this week, Bollywood actor and Olympics torchbearer Soha Ali Khan confirmed her unavailability for the event as did cricketer Sachin Tendulkar. While both have cited personal reasons, the truth might actually be that the HRD Ministry, in its bid to ensure that 50% of the runners came from the OBC category, actually forced certain torchbearers to pull out to accommodate the new runners. Unconfirmed reports say that footballer Baichung Bhutia might have actually pulled out due to this reason.

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China has announced plans to hire a host of people in preparation for the games. The first on the list are a host of, what the country is calling, journo-sitters, people who would be in charge of guiding and taking around foreign journalists to places in Tibet to highlight how China has been affected by the marauding ways of the Tibetan monks. The position is open to people of all nationalities, with the only requirements being ability to show the journalists around so that they may report on the damage done by the monks during the riots.

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After last week’s failed attempts at getting their voices heard, several thousand “Free Tibet” protestors are planning to tour three Indian cities in other to study effective rioting. These protestors believe that no better understands how to riot, destroy property and not be caught better than Indian protestors do. The tour that starts in Mumbai will also include the nation’s capital Delhi and the West Bengal town of Nandigram. Protestors hope that the seven-day tour would provide them with enough information to launch another strike at the Chinese authorities.

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