Beef Vindaloo

The Indian Union Health Minister, Anbumani Ramadoss, told Bollywood producers that the reason for poverty in India is Bollywood films glorifying poverty on screen. The minister felt that if poverty was not glorified in cinema then the 1 billion of the India’s 1.3 billion population that live below the poverty line would be encouraged to get an honest job and get ahead in life. The minister blamed the money hungry Bollywood producers for using the poverty stricken people to make money and claimed that the poor people did not know better and since they are portrayed in such a positive light onscreen do not feel that they should get out of their current state.

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Do Indian processions cause damage rather than celebrate a happy occasion? A recent study conducted by the University of Michigan suggests a direct link between processions and brain cell damage. The report suggests various factors for this but declares that essentially, it is the overall “pointlessness” of any processions that is the root cause. According to the report, one Indian procession happens somewhere in the country every two minutes. That’s a staggering 15 million processions a year. The report says that by the end of the decade alone, more than 10 million Indians would be completely retarded.

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Global oil giant Exxon has inaugurated a “Quit Smoking Camp” programme aboard their oil rigs around the world. The first of its kind work-rehab programme targets smokers who have no background in the oil industry and encourages them to sign up and work for the company. The benefit of the programme for the person signing up is a guaranteed freedom from cigarette addiction since oil rigs are strictly no smoking zones. The programme is expected to kick off with their Siberian rigs by the end of the month and would include all their oil rigs by the end of 2008.

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In the first of its kind experiment, a science laboratory in Gulmargh University has successfully “created” a human embryo using genetic information from 20 Indian donors. The lab called the experiment a “resounding success” in the fight against carrying forward of disease-causing and weak family genes. The lab said that it was critical to the success of the experiment to find “useful” genetic information from strong and healthy donors. This is the reason, they say, it took 20 Indian donors while a similar experiment in the United Kingdom took three.

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Non-vegetarian Indians, numbering roughly 1% of the population, are outraged. They claim that the bird flu in the state of West Bengal is another conspiracy to shut them out of their eating habits. They believe that what started with making beef the hardest meat to buy in India, that vegetarians in the country are know going after chicken as well. Since this population is too small to destroy enough shops and taxis in Mumbai, they are taking their protests out to the public in new ways. They have launched a campaign on YouTube targeting the 0.25% of the vegetarian population who have heard of the Internet.

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A study on the link between humour and testosterone has done a complete u-turn when the researchers conducted a follow-up in the world’s second most populous country. The Norwich University Hospital study that said that men are likely to be funnier than women and that humour rises from testosterone said that their findings were “hideously incorrect” when they decided to continue the study in India. The study now says that based on the Indian part of the report, the study is “entirely misguided and unfounded” and that there is no way that Indian men either have a sense of humour and that there is no way that it is “linked to testosterone.”

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A recent study based in the University of Michigan in USA has highlighted a growing concern amongst several intellectuals worldwide. The study to find out just how countries rank in terms of short term memory has revealed that India ranks as the country where people have the shortest possible short term memory. The survey studied people from nearly a 100 countries and found that Indians have a short term memory of less than a second. What is surprising is that the Maori tribals of New Zealand have the best short term memory amongst those surveyed.

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