Beef Vindaloo

The striking Screen Actors Guild have now added Anil Ambani to their list of grievances saying that the businessman’s interest in Hollywood could potentially damage everything the industry has worked hard for as well as the lives and careers of several actors. The strike, which does not look to end anytime soon, began over payment issues but the union representatives have added Anil Ambani to the list of problems saying that if the Ambani-DreamWorks deal goes through, all talented Hollywood actors would never get a chance to work in a good DreamWorks film ever again.

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Not that we’re acknowledging either that there is a heaven, but if there was a heaven, in the classical sense, then George Carlin definitely deserves to be there - unlike say, maybe, freedom fighters. The thing about heaven though is that poor George would always have to be wary about what he couldn’t say in front of god. Like ask God when was the last time he got any. I mean, how do you take a guy seriously when the only time he did it was with a woman who swears he didn’t actually, like, touch her, the woman lives with a guy who swears it did happen and is cool with it, and the woman gives birth to a guy who gets his ass whipped by guys in metal skirts.

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It’s been barely a week since the Bombay office of popular music channel MTV was attacked for offending religious sentiment when it was a case of history repeating itself. This time round, the union representing barbers in Bombay have attacked the MTV office claiming that the channel’s efforts to glorify bald men has severely affected their income and business and they are demanding compensation and an unconditional apology. In what was definitely more than a symbolic move, the barbers made sure to attack and destroy all the mirrors in the MTV office. The newly installed LCD screens were unharmed.

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Bollywood is feeling waves of horror as it found out the true reason for the Syracuse University internship programmes. A group of around 20 film majors from the prestigious US university have been working on Bollywood projects. The film producers were under the impression that the students volunteered for this project in order to see what it was like to work for such a prolific film industry; as it turns out, the real reason for this internship programme is because the university felt that the first lesson any new American film maker should learn is to respect Hollywood and be eternally grateful that they don’t work in Bollywood.

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The Indian Union Health Minister, Anbumani Ramadoss, told Bollywood producers that the reason for poverty in India is Bollywood films glorifying poverty on screen. The minister felt that if poverty was not glorified in cinema then the 1 billion of the India’s 1.3 billion population that live below the poverty line would be encouraged to get an honest job and get ahead in life. The minister blamed the money hungry Bollywood producers for using the poverty stricken people to make money and claimed that the poor people did not know better and since they are portrayed in such a positive light onscreen do not feel that they should get out of their current state.

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After years of trying to shut down one of the Internet’s most famous torrent sites, The Pirate Bay, Hollywood producers are turning to Bollywood to understand the reason for their success. Until date, there are no torrents available for Bollywood films and according to the people behind The Pirate Bay, there never will be either. Hollywood studios are trying to understand exactly what it is about Bollywood movies that keep the Pirates away and hope to incorporate some of those qualities in their films as a bid to cut down on Torrent downloads.

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Considering the UB Group owned Bangalore Royal Challengers is where the cheerleader controversy started, it is only fitting then that the Vijay Mallya led group is trying to sort the problem out. Mallya has said that while he understands the reservations that most Indians have about the cheerleaders, he does believe that they can still find a place in the IPL. Mallya said that he would not follow the Indian way of conducting business, which is to ban and destroy, but would find viable solutions for all the problem surrounding the controversy.

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