Beef Vindaloo

Considering the UB Group owned Bangalore Royal Challengers is where the cheerleader controversy started, it is only fitting then that the Vijay Mallya led group is trying to sort the problem out. Mallya has said that while he understands the reservations that most Indians have about the cheerleaders, he does believe that they can still find a place in the IPL. Mallya said that he would not follow the Indian way of conducting business, which is to ban and destroy, but would find viable solutions for all the problem surrounding the controversy.

“Since there has not been any controversy in Bangalore surrounding the Royal Challengers’ cheerleading squad,” Mallya said, “I have a list of suggestions for ensuring that the cheerleaders of the other teams meet the standards laid out by Indian culture.” According to the suggestions tabled, women auditioning for the cheerleading squad for the Chennai Super Kings would have to weigh a minimum of 80 kilos in order to audition. Habitual users of products like Fair and Lovely would be immediately disqualified. Preference would be given to girls whose first names begin with the word Silk. “If cheerleaders have to appeal to Indians, they have to suit the local tastes.” Accordingly, the Mumbai Indians cheerleading squad would have to wear clothing that is no less than nine yards in length and would have to be hitched up the wearer’s posterior. Prior experience with the Home Ministry would be a definite bonus.

Mallya praised the Indian media for continuing their outstanding coverage of popular issues like cheerleaders in Indian sport. He also applauded the government of India for relentlessly working towards public good by personally verifying the cheerleaders. “Only in India does a politician go out of his way to watch cheerleaders,” he said, “only in India does the public praise a politician for setting all responsibilities aside to personally attend a match to watch the cheerleaders; that is what makes India great.” Mallya hopes that the cheerleader controversy would now be laid to rest so that the IPL may roll on.

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