Beef Vindaloo

The Indian Supreme Court’s decision to dismiss all cases against Hollywood actor Richard Gere has the potential to become an immense learning experience for all foreigners entering the country. Gere was threatened with legal action after he kissed Bollywood actor Shilpa Shetty in public. Foreigners will now be taught to use the garlands presented to them on arrival as a cover if they want to indulge in public displays of affection, a precedent set by Bollywood films.

All forms of affection are frowned upon according to the tenets of Indian culture and the Hollywood actor was facing charges of obscenity for his actions. The Supreme Court threw out all the cases calling them “frivolous.” Since the Supreme Court is a progressive body, they therefore do not represent the sentiments of the majority of the nation’s people. Indian citizens can therefore take heart that international visitors will now no longer commit such immoral acts as kissing. When contacted for his comments, Gere said that he was “relieved.” The Hollywood actor now plans to use this experience to educate others. “Hindi films have always taught foreigners to use flowers when they want to kiss another person,” he said, “what’s more, we even get these flowers when we land in India, so there should be no more incidents like this.”

With the population crisis in India reaching monstrous proportions, Indian lawmakers were worried that people might be encouraged by Gere’s actions and indulge in kissing therefore causing the population to rise even more. Social analyst Ravi Somaiyya feels that the Supreme Court did the right thing. “From now on, people will hide their kisses behind flowers and this should help keep the population growth in check,” he said, “foreigners should help this cause by using their garlands and I think they will do that now.” For the time being then, it would seem that Indian lawmakers are actually doing all they can to spread awareness about the rising population problem.

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