Beef Vindaloo

In keeping with the rest of the country’s highly ambitious plans of becoming a dominating world superpower, the Indian film industry has declared that they will not be left behind. In a recent statement to the media, the organising committee of the annual Filmfare awards, India’s meek reply to the Academy Awards, said that they would broadcast live coverage of the event by 2020. Until now, the awards show is aired on television a good three weeks after the on-ground show. Organisers are said to have been working round the clock for the last five years and believe that by 2020, they would have the infrastructure in place for a live telecast.

“You have to realise that Hollywood has a far more organised and methodical way of conducting their businesses,” a spokesperson said, “such organised business does not work in the Indian film industry because it is strictly against our nature.” He believes that the mental strength required for such an undertaking is lacking in the organising team as well as the viewers and fans watching the show. “I don’t think Indian audiences are ready to watch their stars doing this in real life because they are still of the mindset that stars do not live in real life so to broadcast something in real time would shatter people’s hearts and effectively destroy the film industry.”

India currently has the most disorganised film industry anywhere in the world. It maintains a lengthy delay in order to protect their actors from being portrayed as real people. Film analysts see this plan as a sign that by 2020, audiences would be mature enough to believe that when an actor is walking up the steps to receive his award, he is actually walking up the steps in real life to receive the award. They would, in effect, be mature enough to understand that they are indeed fortunate to witness the event as it happens and not be told about it later thereby putting the fans a little closer to the stars.

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