Beef Vindaloo

When Bhuri Kalbi delivered her baby in the toilet of a moving train, she would have imagined that the most horrific sight would have been to return to find her new pride and joy covered in leftovers from last night’s dinner. Her joy was therefore unbounded when she found her baby to be alive. But her joy has come to an abrupt end when, upon rushing the baby for help, the hospital that took her in has declared the baby’s birthplace to be “Toilet.” The shocked and aggrieved mother is believed to be running from administrative pillar to bureaucratic post in order that her child might not have to live with the stigma of being the world’s first Toilet-Tube Baby.

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In keeping with the rest of the country’s highly ambitious plans of becoming a dominating world superpower, the Indian film industry has declared that they will not be left behind. In a recent statement to the media, the organising committee of the annual Filmfare awards, India’s meek reply to the Academy Awards, said that they would broadcast live coverage of the event by 2020. Until now, the awards show is aired on television a good three weeks after the on-ground show. Organisers are said to have been working round the clock for the last five years and believe that by 2020, they would have the infrastructure in place for a live telecast.

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The most widely read story on Tuesday on the BBC website might have given a few million people worldwide another chance to laugh at the cultural practices of Indians but there was one lone Australian who failed to see the lighter side of things. All-rounder Andrew Symonds might well be one of the most valuable cricketers in the Indian Premier League but he still holds his culture close to his heart. The cricketer has said that he would take the BBC to court over what he claims to be a “mocking, insulting and extremely hurtful news report that was driven by racist intent.”

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Indian audiences awaiting the release of the Oscar-winning film, No Country for Old Men, might have to wait even longer than expected. The eastern state of West Bengal has officially announced that the state government would not allow the film to be screened in India because it is directly against the ideals of Indian culture. The film, local government representatives say, preaches disrespect and hatred for older people and is therefore not in line with the values of Indian culture and heritage. Furthermore, the film also hurts the political sentiments of the people of the state.

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The Australian Cricket Board, Cricket Australia, have raised concerns about the Indian Premier League being an attempt by the Board for Control of Cricket in India to directly attack the Australian team’s strength and togetherness. They claim that the BCCI purposely created huge price gaps between similarly talented players in order to shatter the Australian team’s greatest strength, team spirit. Cricket Australia is expected to formally file a complaint with the International Cricket Council later this week.

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The central government has criticised a proposal by Project Tiger to rescue and save the few remaining tigers in India. The report that India’s tiger population is now hovering around the 1,000 mark has shocked the world. The proposal aims to protect the existing tiger reserves and sanction additional land and resources so that these areas may increase and hopefully alter the declining rate of tigers in India. The central government plans to block this proposal unless a change is made. They want 25% of all new land and resources that are devoted to tigers to be reserved for SCs, STs and OBCs.

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International airline company, Virgin, and cellular service providers, Vodafone and Airtel have come together to issue a joint statement clarifying their position on Valentine’s Day. The companies have signed a statement that says that it is a coincidence that all three companies have red as their corporate colour and that does not mean in any way that they are going out of their way to support Valentine’s Day. The companies hope that the culture-upholding mobs around the country would not attack their showrooms or hoardings because of their red colour.

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