Beef Vindaloo

In a shocking survey conducted by one of the country’s leading media houses, 80% of MBA-minded Indian males said that they would prefer to lose their virginity before they turned 24 yrs to getting placed in any of the Indian Institutes of Management. The survey highlights the massive disparity between what society perceives to be the quintessential Indian dream to the reality of it all. What is even more shocking is the fact that the remaining 20% of the respondents felt that securing an IIM seat would enable to get whatever goal they want, including losing their virginity.

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In a follow-up to their declaration requiring all married couples to officially register their weddings, the Court has sanctioned that all couple failing to carry out this directive will have to live with the ignominy of having their children branded as “illegitimate.” The Supreme Court hopes that this directive would be incentive enough for all couples to register their weddings, especially for those who doubt the need for such a ruling. As many as 240 million married couples live in India of which only a meagre 100 million are currently registered. At the end of the requisite three months, there could be almost 720 million bastards living in the country.

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Declaring their intent to become dominant on the online social networking scene, Microsoft announced that they are already looking beyond Facebook. The tech behemoths have spent a whooping $5,000 to pick up a 95% stake in India’s premier social networking site, BigAdda.com. With Facebook accounting for 500 million users worldwide, Microsoft can now reach out to an additional 500 people through the Indian site. BigAdda.com is said to be extremely excited at the massive deal and are looking forward to leveraging the Microsoft name to attract users beyond the current ones who are all Reliance employees, who are bound by contract to use BigAdda.

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The South Asian country of Bangladesh has become the first Asian country to declare their intent of working towards peace in war-torn Sudan. The country has said that they would share resources and intelligence with the region of Darfur as it feels it has a “perfect understanding” of the issues that plague the African country. Bangladesh plans to cut back on the country’s personal riches and donate nearly 600 kilos of rice and wheat, or 75% of their national output as well as share its “deep cultural knowledge” of famine, unemployment, starvation, death and national depression.

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Corporate India’s efforts to connect all Indian villages to the Internet have thrown up some rather peculiar problems. Several villages in the Punjab-Haryana-Uttar Pradesh-Uttarakhand area, otherwise known as the “Cow Belt” have approached their internet service provider offices with proposals to secure loans. The peculiarity of the idea is not to approach the ISP for loans, but the collateral they are ready to offer. In perhaps the first instance of its kind, these farmers want to use their MySpace “space” as collateral against the loan.

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With the Indo-US nuclear deal on the verge of complete collapse, the United States has offered to replace the pact with a deal that is more likely to get passed no matter which Indian political party is at the Centre. In an unprecedented move, the United States has offered to share never-before-shared information and technical know-how on the best and most effective way to produce gobar gas. A deal like this has never been struck with any country and is already expected to ruffle a few feathers of the Pakistan-US lobby. In addition, the Democrats are already calling this a cheap publicity stunt to distract people from the horrors of Iraq.

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The Goa Ministry of Tourism is the first international state to sign a memorandum of agreement to promote tourism between Goa and the Vatican. For the latter, this is the first agreement of its kind, aside from Italy, whereby the centre of Catholicism would actively promote Goa as a favoured destination amongst their cardinals, bishops, priests and other fraternal rank bearers. Goa, for its part, would ensure that the choicest 10 yr old boys are on hand to show the Catholic priests the sights and sounds that Goa has become most well-known for.

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