Beef Vindaloo

After the controversy in recent weeks regarding the lead content in toys manufactured in China, the country can breathe a sigh of relief. Ironically, the saviour comes from the most surprising quarters – India. Several thousand orders have recently been placed for Ganesh idols to be manufactured in China and the surprise of it all is the fact that the people who have placed the orders insist that there be a high lead content in each idol. Chinese manufacturers are rejoicing because for once, the lead could be put to good use as it would contribute to quicker immersions of the idols.

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This would be perhaps the first case of jobs being outsourced from India to Europe instead of the other way round. French graphic designers, who made international news after the release of airbrushed pictures of French Prime Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, are now being sourced to work on pictures of Indian politicians who are looking at this opportunity as a new lease on youth. As many as 12 firms could well be employed to work on the facial and body features of India’s close to 8,000 politicians in what could well be the biggest PR campaign of the last decade.

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The Central Ministry of Health announced today that had the government was right to take up the cause of banning cigarettes in films as it would have prevented the weekend’s blasts in the Andhra Pradesh capital Hyderabad. This statement came in reaction to public accusations that the government spends too much time pursuing worthless causes like the smoking ban and not enough time on national security. The Health Ministry stood up for the government saying that the only reason that the Andhra blasts took place is not due to a lapse in national security but because of a lapse in national priorities, namely the smoking ban in films.

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The latest survey conducted by University of Michigan shows that India leads the world in the most-wanted destination by Political Science majors. The country has been ranked number one as “Would Most Want to Visit as Part of My Studies” by students from 15 developed countries in North America and Europe. The students said that visiting India to study the anomaly that is Indian politics would strengthen their belief in their own political systems as well as give them a fresh understanding of just how the destitute and the illiterate are able to one-up the middle and upper classes for benefits.

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After the recent discovery by international intelligence agencies as to the existence of underworld civilisations that have been kidnapping and capturing miners from around the world, the Indian government has decided to use these civilisations as scapegoats for the poor state of the roads in the country. According to the government, no matter how much work and effort that goes into road repair and maintenance, as long as the “foreign hand” is not eliminated, India will never have comfortable and well-maintained roads to travel on.

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Life insurance companies across the country are planning to hike premium rates for all customers who use Hutch as their cell phone service provider. The decision was taken by several prominent insurance companies after they found a higher incidence of high blood pressure and increased chances of strokes and heart attacks that come from dealing with Hutch customer care representatives. Under the new policy and price lines, insurance companies would not only charge a higher coverage premium for these consumers but would also not cover any heart illness that might be caused.

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The spate of mine shaft collapses in different countries has triggered waves of shock and awe amongst people around the world. But new evidence that has come to light shows that there is more than meets the eye namely, an extensive underground civilisation that has been kidnapping these miners and forcing them to work as slaves. These underground people, or Morlocks, have apparently been responsible for mine shaft collapses and miner disappearances for several years now. Authorities in Jakarta, scene of the latest mine shaft collapse, say that they have irrefutable evidence that shows that the global population may well be at risk from this new, global underworld.

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