Beef Vindaloo

Famed international reporter from Kazakhstan, Borat Sagdiyev told Time Magazine yesterday that he considered India to be on top of the list of his personal favourite holiday destinations. While the Kazakh reporter has not yet made his way to the country, he was aware of the cultural traditions and customs prevalent in the country and claimed they were very similar to his homeland. “Maybe someday I will also come down to India and burn some widows,” he said before adding, “I am very happy to be bringing some glorious Indian custom to Kazakhsthan. We are currently having too many widows.”

The reporter who is rumoured to be working on a sequel to his Golden Globe winning film expressed an interest in taking a holiday. “I be wanting very much to visit new country,” he said, “I don’t like America and want to make visit to country similar to Kazakhstan.” Sagdiyev mentioned that he was very impressed with India’s customs that “make torture to women.” The reporter is also looking to teach Indians a thing or two about Kazakh culture that would be beneficial in India. “In Kazakhstan, we make woman pull plough and ride on top of bus. This would also make benefit citizens of India.” He also said that the Kazakh practice of “making woman walk two steps behind man” should be adopted by the entire country and not just by a portion of the population.

Sagdiyev is also keen on joining police raids against homosexuals. “Yes, I have heard that being a faggot is illegal in India, like in my country and I am quite keen to join policepeople in beating proper crap out of these faggots.” When contacted, the tourism ministry said that they would not be making any special arrangements or preparations for the reporter’s visit saying that he is just the same as any other celebrity. What the department did mention is that since Sagdiyev’s journey is more about cultural learning than those of other celebrities, they might organise a few bride burning, witch burning and female infanticide sessions for him. “We are currently speaking with the authorities in Patna about these shows.” The ministry is also speaking with Mumbai police officials to allow the reporter to watch an evening session of police brutality against homosexuals.

As a country that waits with bated breath for every celebrity that deigns to pass this way, India will definitely welcome Borat Sagdiyev with open arms. While other celebrities might put on an act of embracing Indian culture, this reporter is perhaps more Indian than some of us.

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