Beef Vindaloo

Mumbai-based local daily the Mumbai Mirror has just discovered the spelling checker function on Microsoft Word heralding what could be its first, completely typo-free issue. The paper, which is in its third year, is more well-known for its glaring typographical errors than its news accuracy. Its first issue had more typo errors than some newspapers have had in their entire run. The paper is also well known for releasing completely unverified, false reports as the truth only to withdraw them at a later date.

This announcement came after a weekly staff meeting last Friday. Staff members were surprised to find that everyone who had access to a computer in the office was present and not just the editorial staff as is the norm. This meeting was conducted by the HR department and went over certain interesting details such as the need to spell correctly and the ease with which Microsoft Word corrects typographical errors. Sources say that there was an amazed silence across the room as the HR representative flicked on her laptop and the overhead projector and then proceeded to demonstrate, using first only the mouse and then only the keyboard, exactly how to activate the spelling checker function. The HR representative even demonstrated that it was possible to activate the spell checker by pressing just the F7 key. A comment that was met with a lot of impressed oohs and aahs.

When confronted, neither the editor nor the staff reporters confirmed these reports. One staff reporter, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that the newspaper was well aware of the alleged spelling discrepancies that have appeared from time to time in the paper and that these errors weren’t actually mistakes at all. The reporter went on to say that the Mumbai Mirror draws from a vast archive of words and phrases and that their dictionary is “much more bigger” than even the Oxford English Dictionary. It is because of this resource, the reporter claimed, that several spellings that were used by the paper were actually real spellings and only seemed erroneous to uninformed readers.

If that were indeed true, then several freedom struggles that have been carried out in the name of “Dog” should definitely be endorsed by the SPCA and declared non-offensive by international authorities. And reports about problems at work caused by nosy “cow-orkers” should be handed over to the animal husbandry authorities of the country and should not be dealt with by the police as is currently the norm.

The readership of the Mumbai Mirror seemed largely unimpressed. In an independently conducted SMS poll, 89% of those polled said that they did not believe this report one bit. Several readers said that they would have to see it to believe it. The remaining 11% of those polled said that they were very excited to see the new avatar of the morning daily and that they might actually start believing the news since the headlines and the report would actually sound professional enough to be true. Something the rest of the newspaper community might not actually want.

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